just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
