Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
