can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
