My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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