is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Sober January is a disaster.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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