just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
