we're chasing vodka with high fives
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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