I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
