Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Randomize
