I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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