Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
