Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
