I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
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