Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
