Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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