My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
