i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
