I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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