we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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