omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I wish I only lived at night.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
