You really coming over, don't trick.
I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
