dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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