ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
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