you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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