The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
