if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize