remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
