My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
