4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
