I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
