she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
