let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
