So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Randomize