i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
