shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I got her a Nickelback box set.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
