Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize