i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
