im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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