I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
