nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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