I just threw up on my dentist
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
