On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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