He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
