Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
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