The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
