i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
