Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
