Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
if only i could text you this smell
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
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