Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Plan B is the new Plan A
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
