She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
