That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Randomize
