You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
My vagina just recognized that song.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
