dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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