I am puke
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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