I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
