Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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