Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
