Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
