if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
