I'm really into asian looking animals
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Just invented taco cereal.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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