Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
