I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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