Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
