Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
