That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
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