Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Randomize
