So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
