Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
