So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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