I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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