i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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