also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
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