as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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