I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
