Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
