You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
high people should be assigned attendants
In America we eat man semen.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I would ride that face into the sunset
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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