his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
