Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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