I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
