Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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