Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
