just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Randomize