I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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