your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
