dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
