it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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