No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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