i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I wish there were birth control emojis
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
