u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
