That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Randomize
