he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
