I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
it's great music for shaving your balls
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
