I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
