I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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