So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
