Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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