My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Randomize
