I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
