i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
