So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Randomize
